Tess-led days

Tess was born into a busy family. Her older sister is loud, vivacious, needy and gets a lot of attention simply by being adorably cute. Her parents are busy, busy, busy working and taking care of the family. Her experience of life is so different to Rose, who had both parents’ attention for such a long time.

I never knew it would be like this, that the toddler would be so much more needy than the baby. But she is. Rose is more able to get into trouble and be in a position to hurt herself or others. She’s also going through a stage when she doesn’t want to play by herself very much. Rose can yell a lot louder than Tess can. She does not understand how to wait for anything. She also seems to have a problem understanding that I’m not omnipresent. I can sometimes hear her barking orders at me when I’m in another room (“More!”, “Up!” and “Look!”) All of this is totally normal and appropriate for her age. But I’m only one person and can only do one thing at once. So if both girls are crying at once, Rose usually gets my attention first.

I am really enjoying my two Tess-only days while Rose is at childcare. I get to give her my full attention. I get to cuddle her endlessly and stare into those beautiful wakeful eyes. Sure, I have to squeeze in lot of chores and activities that are too difficult to manage with the two girls, but it’s just so much calmer with one. Tess is just so gorgeous. She’s so calm and beautiful. When she looks at me my heart melts. She loves her parents and her sister so much. I especially love carrying her in the baby sling, snuggled up next to me. Her coos are also adorable and becoming more pronounced. She sometimes sounds like a little cat meowing. They’re gorgeous, contented little sounds. I know that she’s not going to be a baby forever, and I want to savour every day.

And as for Rose on childcare days, she seems to be learning new skills at a phenomenal rate. This morning she constructed a tower with duplo (big lego, for the uninitiated), having previously only put a few blocks together. And this afternoon when we got back from the park she made a little bed for her teddy bear and put blankets over him (saying, “Bed!”) and sung “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” This level of play acting is new. I think she must be watching other children play at the centre, or perhaps it’s that she has more opportunity to explore things herself without mum or dad directing her play? Either way, it’s very interesting. She was also a bit clingier this week on Wednesday and Thursday morning. She cried yesterday morning when I changed her into clothes for school, and Chris said that she clung onto him a bit more than last week when he dropped her off.

What Rose thinks of palak paneer

We’ve discovered that Rose will pretty much eat anything as long as we’re all sitting together at the table. Consequently we’ve been eating together as a family* a lot more lately, and it’s been very nice. Chris and I have been enjoying good conversation and Rose has enjoyed interjecting with some observations of her own, such as where the lights in the apartment are located and how much she likes books (expressed as “Books! Books! Books! Books!”)

Chris and I love Indian food but to date we’ve refrained from trying curries out on Rose thinking that this would be a bridge too far. Sunday night, however, our cravings for malai kofta got the better of us and we ordered a takeout meal from our favorite Sydney Indian eatery. What did Rose think? She loved it. She had three helpings. She especially loved palak paneer (spinach and cheese curry). Who would’ve thought?

On Australia Day morning I found myself awake a little earlier than normal, so I decided to make blueberry pancakes (don’t get excited, it was a packet mix). They were served with butter and pure maple syrup. Chris and I ate like we’d been living off raw fish for a week. What did Rose think? Meh, not so much.

A couple of bites, and she was soon pointing at the kitchen offering suggestions for other food we might bring her. So Chris got up and made her usual breakfast of oatmeal and yogurt. You can see how much she loved it. When she loves food it goes everywhere!

*Tess is usually asleep during mealtimes. But she’s there!

Smiley

Tess has been smiling since she was a few days old. But lately she’s been doing these big fantastic smiles. Great big “you’re my mum and I love you” smiles. Smiles you become a mother for. And she’s also started smiling whenever Rose comes near. She loves her big sister! In fact, Rose was sitting in my lap when I took this photo:

Childcare redux

The consensus between Chris and I is that Rose’s first week of childcare went really well. Way better than we expected. Excitingly well.

Both days she didn’t cry when Chris dropped her off. Even the second day she didn’t cry, which we presumed would be worse than the first because she’d know what was happening. And both days when we picked her up she was happy, giddy, having fun, interacting with other kids and wanting to show us all the cool new toys she’d been playing with.

The carers told us that she cried once on the first day, when she had to come inside because it was so hot out and this meant leaving a beloved ball outside, and once on the second day, when she had to stop painting because lunch was going to be served. She slept an hour the first day and an hour and 15 minutes the second. The second day she just laid down on her bed and went to sleep. This is a pretty big deal given that the sleeping conditions at the centre are totally different to home: there are other kids sleeping in the room, there’s music playing in the sleep room, and she sleeps on a low bed on the floor rather than a cot.

So it’s clear that we have one brave, independent, resourceful little girl. But, boy, is she tired today. Today I have both girls at home and she’s been napping now for three hours. Three hours! She also had dark circles under her eyes this morning, and I’m so glad she’s resting well. Also, she’s been pretty clingy today. We went for a walk down the street to the convenience store at lunch time and she clung to my leg whenever a big truck went past. She was particularly upset about a garbage truck loading and unloading and she insisted on being picked up, not an easy task with Tess in the sling. Heartbreakingly, she indicated that she wanted to be picked up by wrapping her arms around my legs and kissing me (I always ask Rose for a kiss and a hug at home. She usually replies “No!” and runs off.)

Also, she’s been a bit naughty. Throwing food and pinching me and grabbing stuff she knows we don’t let her have. I read about this somewhere, and apparently ‘acting out’ is a common way that children express their insecurities. They want to know if you still love them. Doing naughty things tests whether you still love them even when they’re being naughty.

The carers are really lovely people. Especially Mel, her dedicated carer. She patiently answered all our questions and is very sweet about Rose, who she says is a very happy girl. The carers also told me yesterday, with concern, that she’d developed a red rash on her cheeks and they seemed to be freaking out about an allergy. I told them that we’ve noticed Rose getting that rash at home and we’re investigating whether it’s the laundry detergent we use or something else. I gather from this that they’re kind but also that they get blamed a lot for all sorts of things.

This week Chris dropped her off and we both picked her up on her first day early at 3pm. I picked her up on the second day at 3.30pm. Our eventual plan is that Chris will do both drop offs and pick ups, because the centre is near his work. I have to say that I LOVE the pick ups and are thinking of a way of keeping them. Rose has the biggest smile on her face when she sees you and she’s just so happy. Also the other kids gather round, looking excitedly at you because if Rose is getting picked up maybe they’ll be getting picked up soon too. One of the kids at the centre, lets call him Cliff, told me on both days that “My mum is picking me up.” Honestly, it made me want to cry.

First Day

Today is a big day. Today Rose goes to day care by herself, without mum or dad. Here she is getting her school bag on:

UPDATE: I just talked to Chris on the phone. (He dropped her off at the centre this morning and I will pick her up this afternoon.) He said she clapped hands when she rounded the corner and saw where they were going. A good sign! She alternated between clingy and independent while he was there, but when he left she was so absorbed in a crayon drawing that she didn’t get upset (she did wave and say “bye bye”). He also said that there was a fire drill 10 minutes after they arrived, and Rose bore the hecticness well. Such a big, strong, brave girl!

First 8-hour sleep

Something awesome happened last night: Tess had an 8 hour sleep last night! She fed at 6.30pm, and didn’t have her next feed until 3am. Unfortunately, we were awake for most of it. We stayed up thinking she would feed again at 10ish, and then she didn’t, but we kept waiting. There’s nothing worse than going to bed and being woken up 10 minutes after falling asleep.

So you could say that this is definitely a turn for the better with Tess’s habits, but I’m afraid it’s far too soon to go that far. You see, she’s been very unpredictable with her sleeping lately, which is entirely in keeping with her age. We’ve had a few days of Tess hardly sleeping at all during the day, causing really awful evening sessions of crankiness and tiredness. And for the last week or so we’ve had some major issues getting her to sleep at night, sometimes we’ve still been up at midnight. I think I’m looking forward to a regular bedtime for Tess even more than I’m looking forward to an end to the night wakings. I’d love to have a few delicious hours of sanity when we’re effectively child free, can have interesting adult conversations and enjoy each others company. I don’t think Rose settled into regular sleeping patterns until she was at least 3-4 months old, particularly with daytime naps and regular bedtimes, so we have a wee bit longer to go.

Sleeping aside, Tess is really turning into a very cute baby. She has these gorgeous beaming smiles and when she’s awake she makes these curiously cat-like vocalisations. She’s very happy being held next to me in the baby sling. Typically she spends mornings in the sling while we’re at the park, then I put her down to nap in the rocker in the afternoons. Most afternoons Rose and I have been swimming in the pool, while Tess happily snoozes next to the pool.

It would be slapstick comedy if it wasn’t real life

This morning Rose, Tess and I headed out to a local playground. I was very organised and had Rose’s lunch all ready and a well-stocked nappy bag. It started off well, Tess fell asleep in the stroller. When we got to the park Rose happily played with a little girl Mei-Mei while Tess slept. Then the trouble started. Tess woke up, I tried to resettle her. Eventually I got her into the baby bjorn only to have her poo all over herself and me. So I had to change her nappy and all her clothes in the stroller. In the meantime Rose got hungry and started asking for food. Realising that Tess would be hungry soon too, I decided to pack up and go home. I stumbled home, on the way placating Rose by giving her bits of sandwich and Tess a dummy to stave off her cries.

Once home Tess started full-on crying. I quickly made Rose some more lunch, got her set up in the high chair with her drink bottle and food, and started to feed Tess. It’s moments like these that makes me realise Rose is still such a little girl. She kept asking for more food but couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get it for her. Tess was fussy with feeding so I eventually finished off the feed with some milk from the bottle, then wrapped her up for a nap. I got Rose down from the high chair to read her stories, then into her cot for a nap.

I am exhausted. Juggling the needs of a toddler and a baby is so tiring. It seems like they both need my attention pretty much all of the time! I don’t know how generations of women have got through all this. Was it extra help from extended family? Slipping them booze? Parenting two children under two is hands down the hardest and most stressful thing I’ve ever done. (Apart from that time I had to adlib about the legal research process for an hour to 80 foreign postgraduate students, that is.) I’m sure I’ll get used to it and find my own rhythm and economical ways of doing things. But for now, I feel poorly qualified to do this job!

By the way, I’ll press-gang Chris into writing about Rose’s third and final visit to day care yesterday. It went pretty well, but she wouldn’t nap there. We start full days next week!

Convo about names

Sarah, pointing at Tess: Rosie, who’s that?
Rose: Bubba!
Sarah: What’s her name?
Rose: Tessa!
Sarah: Who are you?
Rose: Bubba!
Sarah: What’s your name?
Rose: Me!

(Now, I’m pretty sure that Rose doesn’t know that she’s just used the first person singular accusative pronoun. But still, blown away!)

On reflection

The grannies left this afternoon. The deck has been scrubbed, the fridge is clean. The bathroom is spick and span and our tummies are full of delicious food. The week has been a blur of activity. There were a couple of dicey days with Tess. You know those days with a young baby when they refuse to sleep and they get more and more tired? Well, it’s a million times worse when you have a toddler to look after too. I’m so grateful to my mum and mother-in-law for their help during those tough times. Chris got heaps of work done which was also great.

One very nice thing to report – Rose started saying “Tessa” today. She can’t say her own name, but she knows Tess’s! Here’s a few lovely photos of the girls this afternoon.

Rose inspecting the post while Tessa squirms on the couch:

Rose inspecting her mama’s camera:

Awake and adorable Tess:

Santa’s summer grotto

The two grannys are here at moment meeting Tess and playing with Rose, and helping out around the house. I haven’t had much time to write but I did want to post this picture from before Christmas. Isn’t it the most awesome Santa photo ever? I love the way Rose is telling the photographer what to do.  Also, Santa thought Tess looked so small that we must’ve come to see him on the way home from the hospital.