She needs dangerous loon repellant

Chris took Tess to an appointment with her ophthalmologist yesterday. He reported that for the first time Dr K. looked excited. He thinks Tess has gained some sight in her eye! However, he says her contact lens isn’t strong enough. He says that for her eye to gain proper eyesight her focus needs to be razor sharp. She needs +32. Unfortunately, her custom contacts only go up to a power of +30, so he’s recommending that she wears glasses (at strength +2) as well as the contact.

He also wants to step up the patching. We’ll now be putting a patch on her good eye for half the day. Wow, that’s going to be stressful. But what fantastic news about her good progress!

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Taking Tess out while patched is proving to be an interesting experience. Today we went to the grocery store. She attracts a lot of attention. Mostly it’s of the nice, “Oh, poor baby, what happened?” variety. But she also manages to draw out quite a bit of attention from the loose-grip-on-reality set. I had the following exchange:

Woman who had an air of “unhinged” about her: “WHAT HAPPENED TO BUBBA?” (Shouting, in that way that only deranged loons shout)

Me: “Cataract!” and kept moving.

Woman: “CAN YOU BRING HER OVER? I WANT TO TOUCH HER.”

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So here’s a new picture of our gorgeous girl. Notice her sitting up so well? She’s also getting better at talking.

I love this photo for many reasons. I especially love it for the red reflex apparent in both eyes.

On our own

Rose was self-settling by the time she was 3 months old. We’d put her down for naps and she would go to sleep. She was a natural. She was so flexible, too. She would sleep in her stroller, in a portacot, in an airline basinette, in someone’s spare room during the middle of a party. She would never sleep in our bed – she was independant from the start.

Tess has been a different story. The first five days of her life she refused to sleep in the little plastic basinette in the hospital. We had to hold her all night. I came home from hospital feeling more tired than I’ve ever felt before. I couldn’t wait to get home because I thought I could take her to bed with me and we’d both get some sleep. I was right. We started trying to train her to nap in her bed soon after our New Zealand holiday. Efforts were mixed, but we made progress. Then we got the diagnosis. She had surgery, and a succession of invasive procedures. She got poked and prodded. Eye drops, speculum, contact lenses in and out. Then there was the blindness for two hours a day. She was scared and needed comfort, and we gave it to her. We started holding her until she was asleep, then gently placing her in her cot. We held her for hours. I watched her every nap time and night time, her little chest subsiding with sighs, drifting off to sleep. It was a hassle, she wouldn’t sleep at other people’s places. She would also often wake up when you put her down and have to start all over again. I wanted to scream with frustration! And on the days I was looking after her and Rose on my own it was a nightmare. I would be sitting in our room, holding Tess, hearing Rose cry out from the living room, “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” But that wasn’t the complete story. I also loved it. I loved cuddling my baby, feeling her safe and warm. In those moments my fears dissolved. She is safe. Nothing can hurt her.

She was never a good sleeper, but started sleeping really badly. Woke seven, eight times a night. I knew what the problem was. She was waking up after her sleep cycles expecting to still be in our arms. She wanted to be rescued. But it was time. Time for her to learn how to soothe herself. Time to be a bit more independent. I was afraid, I knew it would involve crying to some degree. I read a lot about the different approaches. We agreed we would be at the responsive end of the spectrum. We wouldn’t listen to her distress for hours. But it was time to test the waters.

Three days on and what a difference! On Wednesday night she went to sleep after 15 minutes of groaning and slept until 4.40am. Thursday night was a similar story except she slept until 6am. Last night she slept until 6.40am. I can’t tell you how much bliss it is to wake up after 7 hours of unterrupted sleep. I never thought I’d say it, but I’m so happy to be sleeping on a mattress in the living room.

The day time sleeps have been trickier. One afternoon she took an hour and a half to go to sleep. She was distressed. Chris patted her until she went to sleep. We still saw it as a victory because we didn’t get her up. But it hasn’t been all hard work, some times we’ve timed everything right and she’s napped well. I don’t mind so much. No more battles. It’s her choice whether to sleep or not.

And that, my friends, is the thing I’ve enjoyed most about the last three days: The relief from the pressure of putting her to sleep. No longer am I responsible for getting her to sleep. No longer do I anguish about why I can’t. Now it’s up to her. She’s still my baby and I’ll always be there for her. But she’s also a big and brave little girl.

The couch

The scene: Chris and I are lying on a mattress on our living room floor.

Me: How’s your head? Are those pain killers kicking in yet?

Chris: A bit.

Me: Shall we watch some Buffy? [reaching for the remote]

Chris: You know, if you’re worried about catching something, I’m happy to sleep on the couch…

Me, moving my head imperceptibly to look at the couch which abuts the mattress: You’ve got to be kidding me!

It can’t get any worse…

It’s been kinda quiet around here. And by quiet, I’m referring to the blog, of course. Because if you were my girlfriend and I bumped into you on the street in the last week you’d hear something like this:

Ohmygod, the last few weeks Tess has been waking between 5 and 8 times a night, mostly resettled by putting the dummy back in, but sometimes she’s been wanting to party. And by party she’s been like “hi mum, I know it’s 3am but I’m sooooo excited to see you and I just want to squeal!” And last night she slept for a few hours, then seemed to be awake between 12.30 and 5.30, and I either got two hours sleep or I just feel like I got two hours sleep. And we tried to buy the first house we’ve seen that wasn’t a dump but we didn’t have enough money so we’re now looking at run-down two bedroom flats next to train lines under the flight path and oh my god if I have to share the bedroom with my baby one more night I’m going to crack. Waaaah Waaaah Waaaah

Firstly, who’s the frickin’ baby here? And nobody wants to hear that. So yeah, just thank yourselves for not being subjected to the narcoleptic pity party that’s been going on around here.

But rest assured, things are going to change. Soon. And  by soon, I mean tonight. Tonight we move…. into the living room. Yep. After all the guests have gone home and the hub bub has died down (I’m totally kidding here, we don’t have any guests), we’re dragging out the mattress from the spare bed in Rose’s room and we’re going to sleep in the living room. Lets hope we get more sleep. And while I’m sleeping I’ll be dreaming of a land where we all have our own rooms and all our stuff is in our own rooms.

Report on mini-break at Murramarang Beach

Hours it took to get there: 5
No. of enjoyable stops along the way at unexpectedly charming ‘home style’ cafes: 1
No. of times we lost Tess’s contact: 1
No. of times Rose said she was scared: 50*
No. of times Rose appeared to be scared of kangaroos: 0
No. of other guests in a resort that would house 300+ guests: 10
No. of times we ate at the resort restaurant: 0
No. of times we were told not to pat the kangaroos: 2
No. of kangaroos Rose patted: 3
No. of times I checked Rose for ticks: 1
No. of times we were told not to feed the kangaroos: 2
No. of times we fed kangaroos: 1
No. of possums dancing the tango on our roof at night: 1 (solo tango?)
No. of times I thought, “Relaxing holidays just aren’t quite as relaxing as they used to be before we had kids”: too numerous to count
No. of times I thought, “Wow, this really is a lovely beach with amazing wildlife”: as above
Species viewed in natural habitat: kookaburras, brushtailed possums, kangaroos, bower birds, dolphins, gannets diving for fish, bunnies.

*Rose is going through a phase when she seems to be scared of a lot of things. She was scared whenever we went out for a walk, and often asked to return home. She was scared at night and woke numerous times asking for comfort. She was scared of the other people in the resort. I couldn’t help but think, “At least she hasn’t seen all those slasher films about empty resorts with maniac chainsaw-wielding psychopaths that I’ve seen”

(Holy moly, doesn’t Chris look exhausted in this photo? See what 7 months of sleep deprivation does to you!)

More pics at flickr, including a movie of Rose patting kangaroos

A new milestone

Rose didn’t take a nap today. She was at childcare, and one of the carers tried to hold her until she went to sleep, but Rose wasn’t having any of it. Eventually they let her go out of the nap room and lie down on a mat for a “rest”.

Not ready for “no naps”! Not ready for “no naps”! Not ready for “no naps”! No, seriously!

But in good news, we’re headed for a long weeked away. It’s feezing cold (well, Sydney in winter is never that cold), but we’re looking forward to getting out of the city and having some quiet family time. We sure need it.

Not what they had in mind

Me: Wasn’t the christening on Sunday fun?

Tara: Yeah, Joe had a ball

Me: Rose loved the singing and she’s been talking about playing drums ever since

Tara: Joe keeps asking when we’re going to church again

Me: Yeah, we should go again

Tara: I figure it’d be a good wet weather option when the kids are cranky

Brief & honest

When we’re 50 and sitting around drinking cocktails, we’ll wonder how the heck we survived this year.

• Tess has had a raging fever for the last three days. We think she’s got another UTI (no other symptoms but the fever), but we’re absolutely beside ourselves. She’s hardly been sleeping, and mostly she’s been refusing to sleep unless one of us is holding her. The last two nights it’s taken us over an hour and a half to get her to sleep. And the nights! A tired blur. We managed to get a urine sample today, I’ll take it to the doctor tomorrow. She’s already taking bactrim to stop her getting UTIs (she has renal reflux), I wonder what’s next? More meds?
• The patching therapy is horrible. It’s pretty obvious that she can’t see anything once you put the patch on. She doesn’t look at you, she only looks in your general direction when she can hear you. You have to sit with her and give her one on one care, because otherwise she freaks out (completely understandable). When it’s on she alternates between wimpering and grumbling. She’s bewildered, upset, and grumpy as all getout. It’s horrible.
• She lost one contact, god knows where it went. Fortunately we’ve got a few spares now. Tess has been hating the putting in and taking out. In summation, Tess’s life seems pretty miserable right now. If she’s not sick we’re poking her in the eye or covering her good eye and making her blind. My heart breaks over how much she’s had to go through.



• Rose was sick this week, too. She seemed to have a sore throat, runny nose thing. She had trouble sleeping and staying asleep. Some nights we’ve had crying babies in stereo. Fortunately, she seems to be a lot better. However, it’s now 8.30pm and I can hear her singing to herself (bedtime was 7pm).
• I took her to a baptism yesterday. One of my mothers group friends, Jody, had a son (Thomas) about 3 months ago. Jody’s husband is studying towards being an Anglican minister, so the baptism was a pretty big deal in their community. Rose had the best time! She loved the church, the singing, and most of all she loved playing the drums. Yes, you read that correctly, she got to play the drums! After the service was over the kids were able to muck around with some of the instruments.
  
  Also, there’s video.
• Rose’s favourite play activity at the moment is Tess’s bed. She likes to climb in and pretend to be Tess. We try to keep her out of it (it is Tess’s bed), but she just can’t help herself. She sneakily climbed in while I was making dinner tonight. I took a very cute video.

I think I better sign off at this point; I think my typing is keeping Rose awake. Also, it’s time for a relaxing glass of wine cup of tea.

Patched

Chris took Tess to see the ophthalmologist today and he cleared her for patching therapy. We’re to start tomorrow. This will involve putting an eye patch over Tess’s good eye for 2+ hours a day, with the hopes that her weaker eye will start seeing (better?). I got pretty excited when I read the following:

“In the early days of occlusion therapy when your child has not yet started to see well, it is quite normal for your child to become sleepy with the patch on.”

Of course I’m making light of a bad situation. It’s going to be tough. Tess will effectively be blind. She will be distressed. The ophthalmologist, a tough old goat of a doctor even told us that she will be distressed, and I doubt he’s noticed anyone else’s emotions since 1978. An orthoptist in the hospital put a patch over her good eye for about 30 seconds a few weeks back and she freaked out, looking around wildly. I’m planning for the big event with my usual, “expect the worse and hope for the best.”

Catching Trains

Watching Rose’s language grow and expand and develop has been fantastic. She’s able to combine words in a way that let you know exactly what she thinks and wants. I find it really interesting. Take today, we were watching some trains pull in and out of our local station and I was describing all the things that were happening.

Me: “Look, there are people waiting to catch the train. And now the train is pulling in. People are getting off the train, and some other people are getting on. Listen to what the announcer is saying…”

Rose: “Doors closing. Be careful!” (the announcer actually says, “Doors closing, please stand clear.”)

Me: “Wow, that was a loud toot, and now the train is leaving the station… and look! The driver is waving to us!”

On the way home she kept repeating words that I’d used. “People. Train. Waiting. Pull out. Alarm.” Then she said, “Mummy… catch?” and gestured catching a ball.

It took me a while to get that she was confused about the different meanings of “catch”. I hadn’t even thought of that!

She’s also started using words to describe her feelings, and I find this particularly interesting. She’s started narrating what she feels in particular situations. On Saturday I told her that her best mate Percy was coming around for a visit. She got so excited, she kept asking me about Percy and when she was coming. When Petra buzzed up from the front door that they’d arrived I grabbed Rose’s hand and suggested we go wait for them out by the lift. As the lift was coming up she leaned over and whispered, “Scared!” Rose was feeling overwhelmed by her excitement at Percy coming, and she was interpreting it as fear. Such a big, confusing world of emotions!