I can’t believe how smug I used to be. I used to look at other badly behaved children and think, “I would NEVER let my kid behave like that.” Rose was such a calm, placid baby. She slept well, she was cute. She was, well, easy. I read a lot of parenting books. I knew some of the obvious pitfalls (empty threats, not setting enough clear boundaries, etc). In other words, I arrogantly thought I was ace-ing this parenting gig.
Hah! Guess what? I was running before I was walking, which is exactly what Rose is trying to do. Lately she’s been struggling so much lately with a whole new raft of emotions (fear! envy! love! jealousy! anger!) and it’s obviously scaring her like crazy because she’s behaving like a little person out of control. She’s been so wild lately. Refusing the most basic requests. Shouting and crying non-stop! Doing dangerous stuff! Being negative about everything.
I’ve stopped making any suggestions whatsoever to her because they all result in NO! (Even if it’s “Do you want hot chips”!) She’s so headstrong and wanting to have complete independence at the moment that it’s almost impossible to reason with her. Today at the park she started running off and when I ran after and tried to drag her back from the edge of the pond she screamed like a banshee, flailing around and hitting me.
I’m spending my days trying to calm her down, trying to stay two steps ahead of her (emotionally and physically), and having endless conversations about acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
The sympathetic interpretation is that she’s a little curious scientist, trying to understand the world and her place in it. The negative view is that she’s trying to work out how much she can get away with. Either way, it requires an adult response that is consistent, loving and calm, and that is about as easy as letting someone shout insults at you and smiling benignly. Some days I would rather fly to the moon than take Rose to the grocery store.
I guess if there’s one good thing that comes from this all, it’s that alongside all the anger and tantrums, she also has the capacity to be incredibly sweet and loving.
Take this recent photo of Rose with her sister:
It was Rose’s suggestion to have a cuddle in bed with Tess. You’d have no idea that minutes later she tryed to pull her off my lap saying, “Tessie, Go AWAY!”
Filed under: Rose
I feel your pain! We are going through a pretty terrible time with Kate. She has discovered that it is possible to hurt Mommy’s feelings, and is experimenting to see what happens when she does this. This is also paired with a resurgence of clinginess, as she figures out that she doesn’t actually want to push Mommy away. I tell myself that it is all a part of her figuring out who she is, but it is hard to be relaxed about it.
About the suggestions thing, a lot of people have recommended to me choices instead of suggestions – not, “Do you want apples for snack?” but instead, “Do you want apples or carrots for snack?” Having said that, it was only a matter of weeks before Kate figured out, “I don’t want apples OR carrots (pout, pout)!”
Good luck to you – you’re doing well!!