Special Powers

Rose: Mummy, I’m a superhero.

Me: Awesome! What’s your special power?

Rose: Fairygalaba

Me: What does Fairygalaba do?

Rose: I can make other people feel very itchy whenever I want.

Conversations with a preschooler

(Sound of Tess screaming)

Me, rushing into the room: Oh my gosh! How did Tess get Scamps (Roses’s mechanized toy hamster) tangled in her hair!

Rose: I don’t know!

Me: Are you sure?

Rose: Well, I was holding it and it flew out of my hands and landed on Tess.

Me: Did you put Scamps on to Tess’s head, ensuring the mechanized surface was against her hair, and then turned him on?

Rose: Yes.

—————-

This afternoon the neighbourhood cat, Ben, wandered in.

Me: Hello, Ben. Have you had your dinner?

Rose, to me: Mummy! He can’t talk!

Going away

Rose is a bit concerned about me flying to New Zealand on Sunday for a few days. I’ve explained multiple times that I’m going to look after Grandad, and that he’s been in hospital and needs me to help look after him.There’s been quite a lot of to and fro about how Grandad is my Dad, and that’s why I need to take care of him. She knows all that, but she still doesn’t want me to go.

Last night I talked to Dad on the phone. When the call finished Rose asked, “How’s Grandad’s knee?” (Dad had knee replacement surgery.)

To be honest, I was quite surprised that she’d remembered Dad’s knee. She’s still only three, the age that embodies solipsism. I mean she frequently forgets that I work as a librarian and not as Cinderella. I told her, “Grandad’s knee is feeling better today, isn’t that great?”

“Does that mean you don’t have to go to New Zealand now?”

On the nature of germs

For the last few days I’ve had the most frightful cold. Razor sharp throat, hacking consumptive cough, chills and rivers of snot.

This evening I told Rose that I couldn’t kiss her good night because of my germs. She looked at me quizzically, but said nothing. 

Later on she happened to bonk her head against her new hardwood bedhead, and I kissed the top of her noggin.

“Have the germs gone away?”

“No, they’re still there, it’s just that kissing your head is okay.”

“But you can’t kiss my face?”

“No. My mouth has the germs. If I kissed your face you could wipe it into your mouth and make you sick.”

“How would it go into my mouth?”

By this point I was half-proud of her comprehensive line of inquiry and half-wondering if I was ever going to escape.

“It just might happen, okay? Your cheek is near your mouth and….” 

“Oh, I see. Can you kiss my knee?”

I started speculating in my head if Rose going to be a scientist or a lawyer.

“Yes, because you’re wearing pajamas and they’re good at stopping germs.”

What did I just say? I hope no-one’s taping this.

“Okay Mummy, that’s all. Goodnight.”

Did you just fire me?

Frightening

When I picked Rose up from day care today she handed me a little pink handmade card.

Look what I made, Mummy! I made you a birthday card.

Wow, it’s so pretty! I can see you wrote your name on the front. And what’s this a picture of?

A big, scary, horrible monster!

Missing the obvious

Rose: You hurt me when when you kissed me goodnight!
Chris: I’m sorry sweetheart. I haven’t shaved and my face is scratchy.
Rose: Can you kiss it better?

Uncomfortable moments in parenting

Rose, to Chris: Are you still paying the house?

(NOTE: We’ve had a 30-year mortgage for approximately 5 weeks)

Chris: Yes!

Rose: When we’re finished paying the house we can have lots of special treats!

Chris: *uncomfortable silence*

This just in…

When your kid goes to day care you hear a lot of random facts about people you don’t know.

Apparently Javier is having a roast chicken from Canterbury tonight.

Adventures with cat

The previous tennants of our house told us that there was a big friendly cat that liked to visit. We met him a few nights ago when he started miaowing at our french doors. The girls were both asleep and we didn’t really want to let him in or go outside to greet him, so we just kind of ignored him.

This morning he came back. Rose was very interested. She said, “Hello Mr Cat! Why aren’t you wearing pyjamas?” She then asked him if he was hungry and went to look for some grass. I explained to her that cats don’t really eat grass and said we could give him some milk. We put a saucer of milk out for him, which he lapped up greedily. He was so happy that he even let Rose sit next to him and pat him. Rose kept chattering away to him, asking him all sorts of questions.

Tess was interested, but also confused. When she first saw him she said, “Bow wow, Bowwowowowow!” I explained that he was a cat, not a dog. After I got to work Chris sent me a text saying that the confusion continued. She had started calling him “Arthur” (after her toy mouse).

I bet the girls would love to get a pet cat. But you know? It’s kinda nice having it this way – a cat that comes and goes.

Feeding the monster

A few days ago Rose and her friends Joe and Phoebe were sitting in a huddle the long grass at Camperdown Memorial Park.

“Shhhh, I hope the monsters don’t get us!”

“Look, there’s a monster! A Tessie monster.”

“Ooooooooooooooooooooo, go away Tessie monster!”

Tess was just toddling about in her usual away, oblivious to the fact that she’d just been called a monster. A few minutes later I saw Joe stand up, go and pick a flower and walk over and give it to Tess, then walk back to his friends.

Me: “Look Tara! Joe just gave Tess a flower! Your son is so sweet.”

Joe, to Rose and Phoebe: “I JUST FED THE MONSTER!”