State of Play

So, where to start? Tess came down with a gastro flu on Friday night, which was pretty scarey for about 5 hours when she vomiting non-stop, but didn’t turn out to be too bad. She was better by Saturday, but still tired and cranky; by Sunday she was completely revived. Then Chris came down with it on Saturday, he looked very ill indeed. And then Rose came down sick with it on Sunday night, vomiting from about 9pm until 2.30am! I kinda knew all this would be starting with Tess going to day care (children get really sick when they start any kind of childcare because they don’t have immunity to all the bugs that adults have), but gastro has to be the worst.

It’s also bookended a very challenging 3 weeks for us. What with Tess being in hospital, needing follow-up appointments with doctors and ultrasounds and so forth, and my work really heating up now that students are returning, we’re all feeling in need of a holiday. Also, Tess has had a tough time adjusting to day care. She was okayish the first few days (although when I called to check on her they said that she was crying on and off), but the third day was pretty bad. I guess she knew what was coming. They called at about midday to say that she was crying, wouldn’t take a bottle, and wouldn’t sleep, and they wondered what we wanted them to do. Chris went and got her. Fortunately the fourth day was much better, mainly due to my Dad staying with us and spending an hour with her in the morning at day care after drop-off. We’ve been doing shorter days  thinking that would be helpful, but we’ve come around to the realisation that it’s better for us to go and spend time with her there. The centre assured us that it was all very normal for kids starting day care, but we can’t help but feel that Tess’s adjustment issues also result from her recent hospital stay. While we were in hospital she cried whenever a nurse came in and she’s generally become fearful of strangers. She is, however, very resiliant and has adjusted really well to a lot of tough situations.

One exciting development is that she’s started walking around with a little trolley! She’s been cruising for ages now (walking around furniture), but this is the first time she’s used an object to “walk”. Her balance is very wobbly, but once that’s improved she’ll be walking in no time.

She had a follow-up with her new pediatrician last week (why we ditched her previous pediatrician is a long story, but it involves him losing her file. And the realisation that we’re going to be spending a lot of time at Sydney Children’s possible and it would be useful to have all our doctors associated with the same hospital.) He was pretty frank about the fact that she has a bad case of renal reflux, and that given she’s had a breakthrough infection she’s a good candidate for surgery. But on the other hand, the ultrasound showed her kidneys are growing appropriately and there aren’t signs of scarring yet. The nuclear scan she has in 3 months will be a better judge of the state of kidneys, though, and after that she’ll be referred to a pediatric urologist for assessment. He also explained that surgery in small children for VUR is not a universally accepted path. There are different opinions on what to do. I really like the way our new doctor goes into all of that. I can handle that complexity. Anyway, we’re on a more stable footing now, ready to handle each thing as it comes along, but we have to very vigilant about signs of infection and if her temp goes up high and she’s vomiting, she has to go to hosptial quickly.

There’s probably hundreds of other things to write about but I’m losing steam. I’ll leave you with a photo of Tess and her grandad. And a link to a short video of Rose dancing at Mardi Gras Fair Day.

We’ve got that Christmas-y feeling

Granny has arrived! The presents are bought, they’re mostly wrapped, the food has been organised, the cooking will start tomorrow. Rose’s last day of childcare was today. Chris and I celebrated the fact that we had some free childcare for a few hours and bunked off to the movies this afternoon. What a complete treasure it is to steal a few hours in the afternoon with just two of us! Best Christmas present ever (apart from a lie-in, of course!) (In case you’re wondering, we went to see A Serious Man. You couldn’t get a less Christmas-y movie if you tried!)

Tomorrow’s going to be a hectic day of cooking, attending a bbq at our friends’ place in the afternoon, and Christmas Mass at 6pm. The Christmas morning with presents and phone calls and then lots of guests arriving for lunch. Rose is going to love it all. I predict lots of excitement. And a few Christmas meltdowns.

Losing our minds

Something switched in her brain. Yesterday, she started crawling. No more of the comando crawling. Upright, boundless, excited, happy crawling. ‘Into everything’ crawling.  ’Do it by myself’ crawling. ‘Out of my way’ crawling.

And last night? Wouldn’t go to sleep until 9pm. Her brain was clearly defragging.

Rose, by contrast went to sleep about 30 seconds after she went to bed. She was so exhausted. First there was her day in childcare. Then at 5pm the centre had their annual Christmas party. Rose’s mind was officially blown at about 5.30 when Santa arrived. Her face fell open into an excited gape (Sorry, I don’t have any photos because I only had the camera from my blackberry phone and I can’t seem to transfer the pictures.) She was one of the last kids to have their present pulled from the sack, but she was amazingly patient sitting there with her back more straight than I’ve seen in a long time. However, I have a funny suspicion she recognised both the wrapping paper AND the book (which I’d bought in her presence a few weeks ago). She gave me look that said, “What’s going on here?”

Rose’s mind was blown again when Granny Anne came with Daddy to pick us up from the party at 6.30pm. She was so excited to see her Granny!

We also were given her “school photos” yesterday. They turned out so beautifully. Here’s a couple for you to look at. Aren’t they just gorgeous?

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The week in review

It has been a busy week, but I don’t have much to show for it. Tess had a major change in sleep patterns and has stopped taking long sleeps during the day. I’ve been trying to follow the best advice about settling her into longer sleeps by putting her to bed swaddled but awake, to help her learn how to settle herself. But a lot of the time she wakes up after 20 minutes. Uh-oh! I called Tresillian (a parent hotline) on Thursday and they told me to resettle her in the cot by rubbing her back or patting her, but it basically means spending all day trying to get Tess to sleep, which is exhausting. Also, the chores mount up. Because of the lack of sleep Tess gets more and more tired as the day progresses and by evening she takes a good hour of rocking to get her to sleep. What was I saying in my last post about babyhood being awesome? In some ways I can’t WAIT for the first year to be over – at least then she’ll need less sleep

Rose has had a good week. At school they went on a field trip to the centre veggie patch. Rose was apparently not that interested in the veggies, but she did like the mint that Ritsuko rubbed under her nose. They also got some big boxes out and Rose loved playing in her box cubbyhouse all day. She continues to settle in well – apparently she didn’t need any patting to go to sleep this week. Chris says that when he drops her off it’s usually just in time for morning tea. It’s great timing because she sits down to a crumpet or cereal and milk just as Chris is saying goodbye, and she’s so distracted  by the delicious food in front of her that she always just waves and says “bye bye” matter-of-factly.

Also, she’s saying more and more words every day. Lately she enjoys showing you a found object and saying, “Look!” She also now can ask more specific things, such as milk or water, which is very helpful. However, when she gets frustrated or overwhelmed words seem to fail her. The other day she was trying to drink the pool water and I kept stopping her. She was shouting “No!” and hitting the side of the pool or any object she could see. Eventually I worked it out and said, “Are you thirsty”?, to which she replied “YES!!!!!!” Honestly, with the fog of tiredness and parenthood it sometimes takes me so long to get to the most basic conclusions!

Tess-led days

Tess was born into a busy family. Her older sister is loud, vivacious, needy and gets a lot of attention simply by being adorably cute. Her parents are busy, busy, busy working and taking care of the family. Her experience of life is so different to Rose, who had both parents’ attention for such a long time.

I never knew it would be like this, that the toddler would be so much more needy than the baby. But she is. Rose is more able to get into trouble and be in a position to hurt herself or others. She’s also going through a stage when she doesn’t want to play by herself very much. Rose can yell a lot louder than Tess can. She does not understand how to wait for anything. She also seems to have a problem understanding that I’m not omnipresent. I can sometimes hear her barking orders at me when I’m in another room (“More!”, “Up!” and “Look!”) All of this is totally normal and appropriate for her age. But I’m only one person and can only do one thing at once. So if both girls are crying at once, Rose usually gets my attention first.

I am really enjoying my two Tess-only days while Rose is at childcare. I get to give her my full attention. I get to cuddle her endlessly and stare into those beautiful wakeful eyes. Sure, I have to squeeze in lot of chores and activities that are too difficult to manage with the two girls, but it’s just so much calmer with one. Tess is just so gorgeous. She’s so calm and beautiful. When she looks at me my heart melts. She loves her parents and her sister so much. I especially love carrying her in the baby sling, snuggled up next to me. Her coos are also adorable and becoming more pronounced. She sometimes sounds like a little cat meowing. They’re gorgeous, contented little sounds. I know that she’s not going to be a baby forever, and I want to savour every day.

And as for Rose on childcare days, she seems to be learning new skills at a phenomenal rate. This morning she constructed a tower with duplo (big lego, for the uninitiated), having previously only put a few blocks together. And this afternoon when we got back from the park she made a little bed for her teddy bear and put blankets over him (saying, “Bed!”) and sung “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” This level of play acting is new. I think she must be watching other children play at the centre, or perhaps it’s that she has more opportunity to explore things herself without mum or dad directing her play? Either way, it’s very interesting. She was also a bit clingier this week on Wednesday and Thursday morning. She cried yesterday morning when I changed her into clothes for school, and Chris said that she clung onto him a bit more than last week when he dropped her off.

Childcare redux

The consensus between Chris and I is that Rose’s first week of childcare went really well. Way better than we expected. Excitingly well.

Both days she didn’t cry when Chris dropped her off. Even the second day she didn’t cry, which we presumed would be worse than the first because she’d know what was happening. And both days when we picked her up she was happy, giddy, having fun, interacting with other kids and wanting to show us all the cool new toys she’d been playing with.

The carers told us that she cried once on the first day, when she had to come inside because it was so hot out and this meant leaving a beloved ball outside, and once on the second day, when she had to stop painting because lunch was going to be served. She slept an hour the first day and an hour and 15 minutes the second. The second day she just laid down on her bed and went to sleep. This is a pretty big deal given that the sleeping conditions at the centre are totally different to home: there are other kids sleeping in the room, there’s music playing in the sleep room, and she sleeps on a low bed on the floor rather than a cot.

So it’s clear that we have one brave, independent, resourceful little girl. But, boy, is she tired today. Today I have both girls at home and she’s been napping now for three hours. Three hours! She also had dark circles under her eyes this morning, and I’m so glad she’s resting well. Also, she’s been pretty clingy today. We went for a walk down the street to the convenience store at lunch time and she clung to my leg whenever a big truck went past. She was particularly upset about a garbage truck loading and unloading and she insisted on being picked up, not an easy task with Tess in the sling. Heartbreakingly, she indicated that she wanted to be picked up by wrapping her arms around my legs and kissing me (I always ask Rose for a kiss and a hug at home. She usually replies “No!” and runs off.)

Also, she’s been a bit naughty. Throwing food and pinching me and grabbing stuff she knows we don’t let her have. I read about this somewhere, and apparently ‘acting out’ is a common way that children express their insecurities. They want to know if you still love them. Doing naughty things tests whether you still love them even when they’re being naughty.

The carers are really lovely people. Especially Mel, her dedicated carer. She patiently answered all our questions and is very sweet about Rose, who she says is a very happy girl. The carers also told me yesterday, with concern, that she’d developed a red rash on her cheeks and they seemed to be freaking out about an allergy. I told them that we’ve noticed Rose getting that rash at home and we’re investigating whether it’s the laundry detergent we use or something else. I gather from this that they’re kind but also that they get blamed a lot for all sorts of things.

This week Chris dropped her off and we both picked her up on her first day early at 3pm. I picked her up on the second day at 3.30pm. Our eventual plan is that Chris will do both drop offs and pick ups, because the centre is near his work. I have to say that I LOVE the pick ups and are thinking of a way of keeping them. Rose has the biggest smile on her face when she sees you and she’s just so happy. Also the other kids gather round, looking excitedly at you because if Rose is getting picked up maybe they’ll be getting picked up soon too. One of the kids at the centre, lets call him Cliff, told me on both days that “My mum is picking me up.” Honestly, it made me want to cry.

First Day

Today is a big day. Today Rose goes to day care by herself, without mum or dad. Here she is getting her school bag on:

UPDATE: I just talked to Chris on the phone. (He dropped her off at the centre this morning and I will pick her up this afternoon.) He said she clapped hands when she rounded the corner and saw where they were going. A good sign! She alternated between clingy and independent while he was there, but when he left she was so absorbed in a crayon drawing that she didn’t get upset (she did wave and say “bye bye”). He also said that there was a fire drill 10 minutes after they arrived, and Rose bore the hecticness well. Such a big, strong, brave girl!

First step into a larger world

Rose doesn’t officially start day care until the 21st, but we were advised to bring Rose in for three visits to get her used to the centre, staff and children. Yesterday Chris, Tess and I accompanied on her first visit, and I can happily report that it went really well! The centre she’s going to has a lovely outdoor area with sandpit, cubby house, veggie patch, and sundry outdoor toys such as bikes and tables and so forth. Rose immediately started climbing around things and really loved playing on the bikes. The other kids were very sweet and we witnessed some very endearing moments such as Rose and two other children throwing a ball between themselves. Rose had a huge smile on her face.

Chris and I took a back seat most of the time, letting Rose played independently. She didn’t much look our way, although she clearly knew we were there. We didn’t mean to, but we ended up staying for lunch. Everyone sat down at a little table and the carers served the lunch (rice and a chicken curry). Rose didn’t eat much, she seemed to find the food a bit unusual and only that three mouthfulls. Then dessert was served – custard and stewed apple. Rose didn’t much like that either. When everyone finished and got up to clear their bowls she looked forlorn and wouldn’t get up from her chair. I reckon that it’ll be good for her to learn to eat the food that’s prepared for her. I guess Chris and I are a bit of a soft touch and only prepare food we know she’ll like, and if she doesn’t eat all that much we fall back on toast and sandwiches. But it is a bit sad thinking that it’ll probably be a few weeks of adjustment before she gets the hang of “eat or go hungry”.

The staff were really lovely. They show a lot of affection for the kids and seem to have boundless energy for coming up with new and interesting activities. While we were there Rose read stories, played some instruments and sang songs, and played with playdough.

We’re taking her back on Monday for another visit, although only one of us will go with her this time. And our last supervised visit will be next Thursday, and will incorportate a nap time. At the centre all the kids Rose’s age sleep in low-down beds, not in high-sided cots. This will be another big adjustment for our girl, as well as having to sleep in a room with seven others!

Shuffling the cards

I was just waking up from my afternoon nap. The house was quiet. Baby and toddler, sleeping. My mind was doing the anxiety shuffle. I had mentally pulled out the deck of cards marked “issues most troubling me”, and I was flipping the cards around seeing which one would freak me out the most.

The issue of having to look after two kids under two next year was definitely freaking me out. I played with the idea in my mind, consciously trying out ideas. Me, sitting at the beach with the girls. Watching Rose show Tess how to climb ladders at the park. Every time I tried to conjure a reassuring image of a wonderful state of harmony with two small girls my mind kept bringing a more scary image to the fore. Getting two screaming children buckled into the car as people stared. Two kids refusing to take their daily nap. Having a horrendous Monday knowing there were going to be four more days before the weekend.

I decided to take action, I would get up and have something to eat. I opened the bedroom door to find Chris standing less than a foot away, hopping from one foot to the other as if he was standing on a hot plate.

“What’s going on?” I said.

“You’ve got to call Michelle!” he said.

“Michelle? Who? Wha..?”

“Michelle… from the childcare place! Call! I was in the bathroom! Didn’t hear the ring!”

The message on the answering machine provided a bit more clarity. The coordinator of the childcare centers at the university where both Chris and I work had called – there was a place available for Rose next year! (We’ve been on the waiting list for two years – since Rose was in utero.) I couldn’t get on the phone fast enough! When I talked to Michelle we discovered that we’re being offered a two-day-a-week place (Wednesday and Thursday) starting in January. The orientation is next week. Yippee!

Now I’m sure that there will be aspects to Rose being in childcare that will be less than stellar. I’m thinking of the six months of ill health that her friends have gone through when they started. Conjunctivitis, tonsilitis, nits, gastro, etc. There could also be a lot of tears and anxiety on the little one’s part. But right now? I couldn’t be happier!

Living in the city

I’m a city girl. I’ve always known it. I love living close to art and culture, I love reliable public transportation, and I love being able to walk places. I also love having friends living close, especially the sort of friends that are almost like family.

On Saturday night we had a phone call at 1.30am in the morning. I don’t know why I woke Chris up, I think I was too scared to answer the phone. I was definitely thinking of the worst. It turned out to be our friend Petra calling. “Please can we borrow your baby thermometer, Percy has a high temperature.” When Chris told me about it I thought, “Man, they must be really worried about Percy.” Anyway, Chris got some clothes on and took our baby thermometer to Petra and Paul’s place, who live just around the corner from us. The thing was, it didn’t bother us in the slightest to be able to do this. We don’t have any family in Sydney, and it’s completely awesome knowing we have good friends that can call up in the middle of the night if they’re worried about something. I know that if I was the one doing the calling, they’d be the same.

And it’s so amazing having Delwyn and Stephen live next door. Tomorrow is Rose’s day with Delwyn, and I was chatting to her this evening about Rose’s adjustment issues. She asked me if it would help if she came to our place to put Rose to bed in her own cot. I told her that would be fantastic, but not necessary, given that Rose needs to get used to sleeping at Delwyn’s. She said, “I want to do what’s best for Rose, and I think it would be best for her to sleep at your place tomorrow.” I felt so grateful I could cry.

As you all know we’re looking at buying an apartment, and all of the places we can afford are at least three or four suburbs away. I feel like giving up on owning property, committing to renting forever, and staying around here.